wow,
reading through this i completely don't understand anything, but you have some great poetry here-the description, etc. i've been reading through it all and it sounds like you've done something you regret. i've done lots of things like that, and i regret them a lot, but now i'm labeled and once your labeled you can't take it off you. it's like pen, you can only scribble it out for it to go away, and it does, but it always leaves a mark. and people don't forget easy, i wish they did for these things but they don't. i hope that you will break free of whatever is holding you back that was created when you did whatever you did, and remember there's always someone who has it worse than you.

why do people always post anonymously?

i learnt a new word today:

efface \ih-FAYS\, transitive verb:

1. To cause to disappear by rubbing out, striking out, etc.; to erase; to render illegible or indiscernible.
2. To destroy, as a mental impression; to wipe out; to eliminate completely.
3. To make (oneself) inconspicuous.

maybe you wouldn't have to scribble if people would be willing to efface the memories.