wow,
reading through this i completely don't understand anything, but you have some great poetry here-the description, etc. i've been reading through it all and it sounds like you've done something you regret. i've done lots of things like that, and i regret them a lot, but now i'm labeled and once your labeled you can't take it off you. it's like pen, you can only scribble it out for it to go away, and it does, but it always leaves a mark. and people don't forget easy, i wish they did for these things but they don't. i hope that you will break free of whatever is holding you back that was created when you did whatever you did, and remember there's always someone who has it worse than you.

why do people always post anonymously?

i learnt a new word today:

efface \ih-FAYS\, transitive verb:

1. To cause to disappear by rubbing out, striking out, etc.; to erase; to render illegible or indiscernible.
2. To destroy, as a mental impression; to wipe out; to eliminate completely.
3. To make (oneself) inconspicuous.

maybe you wouldn't have to scribble if people would be willing to efface the memories.

interview with a stranger

Anonymous: if you ment no harm then what were you trying to do, stop people form getting hurt?

Me: no. i just want them to know that i didn't mean it.

A: why did you do it?

M: no idea. maybe to prove something to myself?

A: what made you do it if you knew it was wrong?

M: like i said, maybe to prove something to myself? maybe it was jealousy? and i think i still did it becase i just got caught up in the moment.. she never excepted my apology and that always got to me - it was like she wasn't willing to let the past go.. or she wasn't willing to start anew.

A: did you do it out of jealousy?

M: yes. i think that was one of the main contributing factors. now i know why jealousy is a SIN (even though i'm not religeous..)

A: it sounds like you did but when you did it?

M: um.. what?

A: did you think that somehow things would get better if you upset others?

M: i have no idea what i was thinking.. probs just pent-up anger from everyone, not just her.

A: i guess some people are just like that, they think if they upset someone else it will make them feel better..... but truth be told it does absolutely nothing .

M: i know, i'm ashamed of what i did. but i paid the price - one of my 'friends' was the one who told her, now that whole group htes me becase they found out i was complaining about them, and heaven forbid anyone ever complain about them, it;s not like there could ever be a reason perhaps.

A: :'(

M: :''(

now i have no-one.
no-one to look at me and know that something is wrong.
no-one to know what my hopes are
no-one to know what my fears are.

not like we really had that going
i admit, there were 5 of us.
but still.
i could put on the best happy face and you never used to know.
niether did the rest of them.
but i expected atleast you
to notice.

i'm sorry but it's true,

it went from a friendship in all it's splendor

to a friendshit that was almost swept under the rug.

i want to know, if you heard this why didn't you ask me

if everything was okay?

why didn't you ask me if there was anger?

why did you bother putting on the show,

if no-one wanted to see it?

when did this friction even happen between us?

was it becase of -----?

you two seem awfully cozy now

do you trade secrets about me?

well, i think i know the answer to that one.

also, if you're so crazy about him, you should stop and think:

is it right to blame him foe that little wave in the sea?

is it right to be crazy about him if he doesn't respect someone so close to you?

but, then again..

that's kind of how it all started -

you neglected us

you spent all of your time

with her.

i'm sorry

but we are opposites.

and i know what they say about opposites,

but in the end it always gets messy with them.

You may be inspired to reach for what you want today, and the chances are pretty good that you will get it. It's the kind of day when writing a letter to the editor about your favorite gripe will actually bring you satisfaction.

However, you could be so forceful in your communications that you can offend someone unintentionally. If this happens, let everyone involved know that you meant no harm

If this happens, let everyone involved know that you meant no harm

If this happens, let everyone involved know that you meant no harm.

If this happens, let everyone involved know that you meant no harm.

If this happens, let everyone involved know that you meant no harm.

If this happens, let everyone involved know that you meant no harm.

i'd like to let everyone involved know that i meant no harm.